Mother surprised me by throwing a spoon out to the middle of the roomand asked that I pick the spoon up. She noted that the way I stoodwasn?t like the...way a guy would stand. I walked to the spoon and kneltdown like a girl would. I kept my knees together and knelt like I?d seengirls kneel. She asked me if I?d ever seen a guy pick up something offthe floor. I told her that guys don?t usually notice things on the floorand wouldn?t take the effort to pick something up. I understood what shewas. Each time I died, I wasn't dead. My deadness was quite live, but my alive-ness wasn't all that alive.So there I was, with all this dead-i-tivity, surrounded by a lot of nothing, in nowhere, contemplating all the dead people I went through in my lives. Just cataloging how dead I used to be was exhausting. If I had a head it would have hurt from the strain of all the deadness I'd experienced.Of course, I would have welcomed the headache, because it would have given me something to touch, to feel,. Does she ask how you are doing or if you have a girlfriend?’ ‘I wrote once about my job at the service station. She called me a grease monkey, and then went on for a page and a half about a dance recital her precious daughter was in.’ ‘I don’t think we should talk about this any more, Randy. It’s making you upset.’ I laughed. ‘It would have upset me when I was younger, but I avoided talking about it. I don’t mind telling you about my earlier days. You see me for what I am today, stable, happy,. But that was high school, and that's what he was -- a run-of-the-mine high school baseball coach.Bill Bowman had been there and done that. He'd spent more than six years in The Show, and he'd been successful. And now, he wanted to help me get up off the basement floor and start back up the stairs.If Bill Bowman thought I could do it, well then by God, I thought I could do it, too!It was still barely past noon so we made a fresh pot of coffee in Bill's kitchen and had peach pie in lieu of.
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